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| Photo from KnittingNeedleGuide.com |
J____ and I moved to Madison late last year. We're still in search of new friends (sometimes I fear that we always will be) and so we decided to join a knitting group. It seemed like it might be worth a try. "Fibers, fun and more!" the notice said.
The meeting was in someone's house. Everyone there was excited to have two newcomers show up. There were men and women, all ages, all smart and funny, and very welcoming. I had a great feeling about this new group of people. Maybe we'd finally found what we were looking for. There was a lot of animated conversation among us, because they were still waiting for one person to show up.
I never caught her name, but from what I gathered she was the one that everybody looks forward to seeing. The center around which everyone else revolves. She possessed some really outstanding skills, they said. She'd done some incredible things. Her talents went far beyond just knitting.
And then suddenly, she was there. An older woman, with short gray hair, and tattoos peeking out from her sleeves and collar. Her face was deeply lined from a lifetime spent in the sun. A closer look revealed a number of small, circular scars running up and down her hands and neck and face.
Because we were new, she was going to formally welcome us both, one at a time. I would go first.
Everyone else circled around us, she and I facing each other in the middle. She rolled up her sleeves, exposing more tattoos and more of those strange circular scars. In one hand she held a bunch of knitting needles, all sizes and colors, which she began pushing through her skin.
First the length of one arm and then the other. Then her neck and cheeks, in one side and out the other. There was no blood; she showed no sign of pain. If anything, the process seemed to be bringing her some kind of joy.
When she was spiked like an Indian fakir, I noticed that her face had changed. It had grown smoother and the deep wrinkles had disappeared, so that she resembled the woman she must have been many years ago. That was when she produced a large crochet needle. She pushed it into the hollow of her throat until the skin gave way, then hooked it into the wound where it could dangle back and forth.
I'm not the sort of person to put much faith in mysterious rituals or their results. But this group of new people obviously did. Despite my horror at what was happening right in front of me I felt it was important to play along, to pretend I believe in things like channeling spirits and reaching out into the beyond in order to bring back something strange.
By then the group had drawn closer around us, so that only a few inches separated the woman and me. Her eyes rolled back in her head. She opened her mouth, showing the crisscross of needles inside, and then she began to speak.
She told me I'd come from Chicago without a purpose. She said I hadn't been happy there and wouldn't be here either. There was a darkness all around and inside of me. It was too late for a new start or even some kind of change.
She kept talking, pushing me past the point of playing along, past the edges of my comfort zone, past the point of no return.
I told her to stop, and when she didn't I shouted. The room grew quiet. The wrinkles returned to her previously smooth face. And I knew for certain that for a moment she truly had been someone--or something--else.
"We're getting out of here, J____," I said. But J____ was nowhere to be found. Somewhere along the way he'd slipped out, leaving me both alone and completely surrounded at the same time.
